Friday, May 24, 2013

Adaptation

This is Royal Richardson. The real Royal Richardson.

All this crap you've been reading since December?

None of that happened.

Sufjan is still with the Church. He's been posting from there.

This is just sad. I can't believe any of you idiots actually fell for this.

None of the posts by "me" actually sound like me. Seriously, I have work in "the Aquitaine"? I have access to minions?

My only job is to kill people.

My only resources are my own talents and wealth.

My God, you're idiots.

This is just Sufjan playing out some sick fantasy where he breaks free and becomes the agent of God he always wanted to be. But it's not true. He's just finally gone the whole hog and cracked completely. It's kind of pathetic, actually.

Whatever. Go get your kicks somewhere else, kids. Sufjan has had his Internet privileges revoked. This blog is officially dead.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

The Joke's On Us

Sufjan has had Umbra and I running up and down the country chasing absurd number puzzles. The very last destination was the old theatre where he first tried to kill me. Umbra and I readied ourselves and entered cautiously, prepared for a fight.

Instead, we got a beam of wood to the head.

Alright, I get it.

It was all a big gag about how I made Sufjan flit around trying to solve codes and riddles and then hit him over the head with a brick when he reached the final piece of the puzzle. I totally get it. Hilarious.

What I don't get is why I woke up in a bath full of ice water with a bandage over my lower back.

In Sufjan's old apartment.

Where Sufjan no longer lives.

Despite my initial freakout about it, I did not in fact have a kidney removed. Really, I shouldn't have worried. I would have noticed if I was missing a freaking kidney.

On the other hand, it did take me three days to notice I have no nipples.

I still haven't found Umbra, nor have I figured out what Sufjan is doing, or thinks he is. I'd almost say he's up to nothing more than what his mind now considers fun if not for the obvious planning and thematic relevance of his actions. We'll see soon.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Sufjan's Game

I really have to commend Sufjan, or whatever Sufjan has become. He's been playing Umbra and I well. Kidnapped us both, brought us back to Ireland, separated us, fucked with our heads, injured us. We're back together now, but we're warier than ever. I finally managed to contact the Church of the Last. Not the chapter where I sent Sufjan though, because their compound was burned to the ground, killing everyone inside, men, women and children, except for Sufjan. The attack was organised by a terrorist group of former Church-goers called the Wolves, aided and abetted by Sufjan – who have also all been killed, by Sufjan.

I thought he was coming after me for pure revenge, but I'm not so sure anymore. He's now had plenty of chances to kill me, but hasn't taken them. Though, I suppose I did the same thing to him, but this feels different. I'm uncertain, which is something I'm not used to. But I still have my conviction and that will ultimately allow me to triumph over him.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Oh, What a Circus

We're all back home now.

Real fun soon.

I hunt he and she hunts me and we are all together.

We will always be together.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Hello, Goodbye

Where oh where oh where is Sufjan Royal?
Where oh where oh where is Sufjan Royal?
Where oh where oh where is Sufjan Royal?

Where could Umbra Royal be?

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

What's This?

It's actually getting embarrassing now. He said he was coming and he hardly meant he was going home for the fecking Gathering. He's had over a month to come and find me. I even told him where I'm operating at the moment, and still no sign. Not even a cryptic blog post.

So I've decided to be proactive and send someone after him. She's my apprentice. A regular prodigy too, let me tell you. It's not just that she's full of rage, but that she's learned how to hone it into a fine point. She'll wreak havoc with him.

And, hey, if she doesn't, at least she'll drag him into action. The game's just not as fun when Sufjan refuses to play. Let's see what I can do about that.

Monday, January 28, 2013

Silly Sufjan

I get what he's trying to do. He's biding his time. Sweating the perp, so to speak. He wants me to get paranoid waiting for him to come. He wants me to be up all night worried about when he's going to strike.

Too bad I have bigger things to worry about. Your plan's not working, Sufjan. Just come and face me. Let's get this over with. You know we both want it.

Friday, January 18, 2013

Face in the Crowd

I'm amused. It seems that, after all this time, Sufjan finally figured out how to actually disappear in the world. We've completely lost track of him. I wonder what other lessons he's finally learned.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Needless to Say

Even with my low opinion of the intelligence of those who read this blog, I don't think I need to explain what's after going wrong. Sufficed to say, the Church have earned my disfavour for their failure.

I didn't want to do what I'm going to do to Sufjan, but he's pressed me now. Once, I showed him mercy by sending him to the Church. Now he deserves my unfettered contempt and he shall receive it. Darkness will fall in his heart.

Tomorrow, I leave for the Aquitaine to do work. I'm sure Sufjan will find his way home eventually.

The bastard.