Running Out

I was just about to make a post about how awful practice was yesterday (Royal and Shannon started arguing about the set-up of the stage for some reason and it was really awkward) but Shannon just ran out of her room and our apartment carrying what looked like a knife. I'm going to run after her. Will update when I figure out what the hell is going on.

Tall Tales Taste Like Sour Grapes

Christ, I just keep on screwing things up lately. I tried to ask Shannon again about whatever she was looking at on the Internet and she just brushed me off again. I don't really like being dismissed, especially when the person dismissing me is also keeping something from me, so I got annoyed and told her that I'd seen the pictures I found in her hard drive. Shannon started shouting at me for snooping around her laptop, I started shouting at her about keeping things from me, especially when it looked like it was something that could aggravate her nightmares and then it just turned into this whole big thing and I don't want to go into detail on it but, sufficed to say, it ended with Shannon locking herself in her room and telling me she didn't want to talk to me.

And even though I'm so disappointed in myself for letting my own paranoia bother me to the point of snooping around someone else's property, as furious as I am at myself for making such a big mess, I'm even more frustrated that Shannon still wouldn't tell me what it was that she was looking at. Her jerk reaction was that it was study for a test but tests are over, so that was obviously a pre-prepared cover that she forgot to update. Ugh, I'm just so angry, which is just upsetting me more, because I don't usually get angry...

Fuck it. How did everything get fucked up so fast? I just wanted a nice Christmas. Now what do I have to look forward to? More practice with that asshat Royal Fucking Richardson. Fuck it anyway.

No Rest For The Wicked

So, it looks like I'm not going to be home for Christmas until Friday, with Royal's insistence that we keep practising as close as possible to the holidays. It sucks but, honestly, if I wasn't going to argue with him before, I sure as hell am not going to argue with him now. I punched him in the face. 'Nuff said.

At any rate, I'm looking forward to Christmas, even though I won't get to spend it with Shannon. She's spending Christmas up in Galway with her aunt because she can't afford to go back home. I'm starting to get really worried about her. I tried to ask her what was taking up all her time on the Internet earlier and she just sort of...shooed me away, like I was a fly or something. I tried not to worry about it too much, but curiousity and, admittedly, frustration got the better of me, so when she was gone out to pick up our dinner from the Indian, I tried checking her computer. The search history was erased but I'm computer-savvy enough to know that when you visit a website with images, the images get downloaded to your computer in a temporary folder, so I checked that and found a lot of pictures, mostly of this really tall guy in a suit who didn't seem to have a face. There were also pictures of books, some guy in a mask with a sword, some buildings, a bunch of creepy hand drawings...it all creeped me out anyway. I decided to close it all up before Shannon got back and try asking her about it again later but I never got the opportunity.

Well, I did, but after dinner, she just wanted to cuddle and I didn't want to ruin an otherwise nice moment with my paranoia. I'm still worried though. Shannon gets nightmares and I don't want her losing sleep over whatever horror stories she's been reading on the Internet. I'm convinced that's what she was doing because those pictures looked like they belonged to creepypasta from 4chan, though I'm not sure where the books fit in. I'm going to try and talk to her again tomorrow.

Anyway, it's getting late, so I'd better hit the hay. Gute nacht!

She's Got A Way About Her

Shannon came home yesterday to find me crying. She didn't say anything, she just took me in her arms and let me sob like the big weeping manchild that I am. When I stopped, she thanked me for trying to protect her from Royal and told me I didn't do anything wrong. She almost managed to convince me of that too, but I know the Commandments.

"Resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also."

Still, she comforted me and then suggested we take today off just for ourselves. It was a really nice day and Shannon taught me how to cook a frangipane. She really helped to reassure me about becoming another cast-off from Ballybeg...I really love her. She's everything I need in my life. She even took a break from her Internet binge today, though I can see it's been causing her some anxiety. I think I'm going to tell her to go indulge herself. It's the least I can do after all she's done for me. I'll just go play Fallout or something.

Au revoir, readers!

Blue Blood

Oh god, I'm such an idiot. Why did I do that!? Christ on a bike, I can't believe I just hit Royal. Fuck it anyway. And here I am, typing about it on my laptop when I haven't even cleaned the blood from my hands.

Okay, I went and cleaned them. It was a surprisingly calming exercise. I guess I should explain what happened. Royal decided that he wanted to start Act III today, which is the first act involving his character, Gregory. Gregory is this creepy but charming weirdo who just kind of comes out of nowhere and starts trying to charm Lucy. Well, sufficed to say, Royal got a bit too into his role and got a bit handsy with Shannon so I...flipped out a little and punched him in the face. When I realised what I'd done, I ran out of the hall and came home...

I feel so embarrassed. I'm not supposed to be violent. I spent my whole life trying not to become just another Ballybeg thug, another waste of society's time and energy. I'm supposed to be a Christian and I just punched someone in the face. Oh god, I probably humiliated Shannon too. Shit, I'm such a moron.

Crumbling In My Hands

Last night I had a dream where my teeth started disintegrating in my mouth, then the chips and pieces fell out into my hands. You know, I was always told dreams about teeth were one of the most common types but this is the first time in my entire life I've had one. Anyway, when they fell into my hands, they started falling apart and when I tried to tell my dad (I don't know why he was there), he started telling me to be careful or my skull would fall out, which, of course it did, and then I found myself holding my own skull and I woke up.

And just like that, it's time for me to go to practice again. This is the first play I've ever been in where I dread the prospect of going to practice and it's starting to get on my nerves. Shannon is still engaging in her Internet binge too, so I don't even have her for sympathy. Ugh, I hate to be whiney but I'm just plain tired and I need to rant about it somewhere. At least it's almost Christmas. At least there's that to look forward to.

Schedule Slip

Sorry for the unexplained absence but Christmas exams are in full swing and it doesn't help that Royal is pushing everyone really hard about this play. We've had practice every night this week for four hours, even though most of the group (including Royal himself) are students and need to study. How long can we realistically spend going over the incredibly boring first act over and over? If Royal wants any actors for his future productions, he should seriously consider scaling back because bad results = no more college. Anyway, I'm getting sick of doing an entire act where it's almost entire Shannon and I just eating a picnic for almost the whole thing. At least some of the later acts include some action scenes and a few genuinely creepy/gorey moments.

Speaking of Shannon, she's been acting kind of weird the past few days. Even though she should be studying, she's spending loads of time on the Internet, even though she almost never uses it. Usually, anyway. I asked her about it and she said she was doing research but how much research can she need to do? I dunno, I feel bad for this, but I feel like she's not telling me something.

Ugh, I need to go study more. So long, guys.

Forgive Me

Oh dear, I'm really sorry about flipping out here yesterday. I would never wish harm against anyone else. I didn't mean to imply...

Sorry, I'm just so embarrassed with myself. I'm going to change the subject now.

I'm relaxing in Café Oasis right now, eating a tuna and sweetcorn panini. It's, um, nice? I dunno. I wanted to apologise for what I said yesterday but I didn't want to linger on the point for too long but I don't have anything to talk about.

I'm just going to go now. Bye.

Sinners Shall Burn!

Mass today was depressing. Father Blair decided to eschew anything even slightly positive and just spend the whole hour and a half telling us all what horrible people we are, how we disgrace God and how we're going to burn in hell. As a Christian, it frustrates me when the old demagogues pull shit like this. Seriously, I don't usually curse even but this has pissed me off so much.

Jesus had such a powerful message to give to the world, but who listened? The Church? Hardly. All they've ever done is twisted his message to suit themselves while clinging to their own personal prejudices. How could anyone interpret Christ's message of love as a carte blanche to sin in his name? If Jesus were alive today, he would be disgusted. When did Jesus tell us to hate gays? When did Jesus tell us to spread his word by force of arms? When did Jesus tell us to put the protection of the power, influence and reputation of the Church before the protection of innocent children? Never, that's when. The Church has forgotten the Beatitudes.

Jesus died for the sins of all mankind and that includes the Church. God help me when I say this, but if there's anyone who deserves to burn in hell, it's not the laity.

Typecasting

So, predictably enough, Shannon and I have been cast as the idyllic young couple in the play. Not too surprised. Casting is not Royal's strong point. He somehow managed to resist casting himself as the prince and went for some creepy guy called Gregory instead. Apart from that one role, the casting was fairly standard for Royal. For such a confusing piece, he's not giving us much time to work on it. He wants it ready for January 8th and I just don't know if any of us can deliver that. I guess we'll have to. Right now, we're getting a free ride on everything from Royal's dad and none of us are keen on that ending.

In other news, I'm going to an awesome party this weekend, so that should be fun. My friend Valerie is turning 21 tomorrow, so we're heading to her apartment for a shindig. I may or may not end up posting drunkenly here. If not, I'll probably update again on Monday, I want to actually do some study this weekend. Arrivederci!

Buskin' Dude

So, I just got back from a nice little gig with Cassandra, my guitar. Well, it was my friends' gig, I was just opening for them because their opening act pulled out at the last minute. They offered to pay me in free drinks for the night, but I decided to pass. I don't really drink during the week, especially when I have classes the next day. I don't think my set was too bad. I opened with "Many of Horror" by Biffy Clyro, then went straight to "Forget You" by Cee-Lo Green, then finished it up with "Supermassive Black Hole" by Muse. Yeah, I know, a fairly predictable selection but it was last minute and I just picked a few crowd-pleasers.

Anyway, I got my indie fix on the way to the gig. Some guy was busking in the street but he had no instruments, he was just singing and I asked if he wanted a hand. He said sure, showed me the chord sheets he had (I think the songs were all his own original compositions, at any rate, they were pretty damn good) and we knocked out a few songs before I had to continue on my merry way. Nice guy. He tried to offer me half the money but I told him I didn't need it and we parted ways.

Anyway, I'm fit to pass out, so I'd better hit the hay. Farewell!

Learn, Love, Live

So, I think, despite how long it took me to actually start studying, I did pretty well on my Spanish history test. Spanish and history have always been two of my best subjects and I don't think I did too bad combining both of them. I wasn't too tired for my methods of acting lecture either, so that was good.

I went to a meeting of the drama group I'm in (the drama society is a bit too elitist for my tastes, so I go to one based in the city proper) and it looks like we're going to be doing some weird, symbolic play called A Night Under A Starless Winter Sky as our next production, or so Royal says. Royal is the head of the group and he's kind of an ass but his dad pays all our costs, so no one is really willing to argue with him. Admittedly, though, this new play might be a bit too far. Normally he has a bit of taste but this one really takes the cake. There are three pages of just laughing. I kid you not. I have a feeling this is some play written by an ancestor of his because the script looks pretty old and a cursory Google search doesn't show up any references except for some weird blog.

Anyway, enough about Royal Richardson and his terrible taste in theatre! How about I tell you more about my girlfriend, who is sitting on the other end of the couch, eating a small pepperoni pizza, totally oblivious to the fact I am about to start blabbing about her on my blog?

Well, her name is Shannon Chiego, she's 18 and American (please don't hold it against her, she didn't mean to), she also studies Spanish and performing arts with me but she takes archaeology whereas I take English. She's a fair bit shorter than me and has barely shoulder-length brown hair. She's kind of absent-minded but very sweet and loyal. Not really big into PDA, though I am, so we compromise. Works really well with children and wants to go into primary school teaching after college. We're both in the UCC Philosophical Society (which, to any knowledgeable readers, must clash with my qualms with the drama society's elitism, but I'm able to withstand a certain amount of elitism in my daily life and there's no debating societies in the city) and have competed with and against each other. When we're in a team together, she's always the more emotive speaker while I take the politics, morality and high-faluting ideas. She loves Italian food. She has green eyes. She's really socially awkward at times but I think she's getting over it. She has crippling arachnophobia. Oh, she wears glasses too.

That's all that's coming to mind at the moment, though admittedly I am somewhat distracted by how great this diced breast of chicken curry is. I'm having a damned nice day today. In fact, I think I'm going to go enjoy it more thoroughly. Until next time!

Back to Work

Back to college today, back to the grind...I kid, I kid, I actually quite like college. The degree I'm doing is lovely because it's a full performing arts degree but you can also take two arts subjects so if you, for some bizarre reason, can't get a performing arts job, you can do a HDip in Education Studies and teach the two arts subjects at secondary level, which is pretty sweet.

Speaking of the words "pretty" and "sweet", my girlfriend just sent me a text;

"ur a slacker!!!!!!!! :D stop sleeping in library weve a spanish history test to study for! :P xXxXxXx"

Though her spelling and punctuation is admittedly lacking (sorry, dear, couldn't resist), she makes a valid and compelling point. If I'm going to slack, I should go do it in my apartment instead of bothering the other people in the library. Alternatively, I could do that study...thing. We shall see. So long, readers!

Lazy Day

Ah, I love getting a day off. Well, that's not really an accurate way to put it, since I still have assignments to do, so I guess I love giving myself a day off. Among other fun things, today, I have rewatched my favourite movie, Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, relistened to both of The Protomen's awesome albums (as well as David Bowie's Berlin Trilogy) and caught up on the latest episodes of Criminal Minds. Right now, I'm browsing Cracked articles, then I'm going to try and read Time Stops For No Mouse by Michael Hoeye for the hundredth time. In other words, today is not just a lazy day but a nostalgic one too!

Anyway, I'd better run or else I won't have the time to get this all done! Hasta luego!

Dog Days Are Over

So, hello, world! My name is Sufjan McBride. I'm an 18-year-old performing arts student at University College Cork, but you could have found that by looking at my profile, so I should probably say something more substantial in my first post!

I'm from the "city" of Waterford in the south-east of Ireland. I say "city" because it's really just a big town. I'm from a place called Ballybeg, which is the roughest housing estate in Waterford. The first year my family lived there, our house was broken into seven times.

You'd think living there would have made me a cynical hardass but...I just don't have it in me to be angry or violent. Predictably, I didn't do too well in Ballybeg but I don't have to worry about all that anymore because I now live in the far lovelier and more city-like city of Cork!

Anyway, I felt like chronicling this new chapter in my life, so I decided to start up this blog. I'll be updating this every couple of days to talk about my life. I'm not sure if it'll be terribly interesting, but it can't hurt to try.

So, I'll see you in the future, hopefully, whoever you are! Ciao for now!